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Parenting with the Changing Times

Our oldest is going to be eleven soon.  Just this week he’s challenged the rules twice.  I got a glimpse of my future self, sitting at the kitchen table at…

By Victoria|May 6, 2016

 

 

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Instagram post 2192552962365125459_176844132 💖 Your heart is always leading the way; showing you where you need healing, what isn’t working, your desires, and more. ⠀ ⠀ 👎🏻 “Negative” is a label we assign to the icky feelings/thoughts/situations. All the same, the icky-ness is a wake up call - like a lighthouse illuminating the dark. ⠀ ⠀ #yourheartshowstheway #illuminatingthedark #negativefeelings #theheartleadstheway #followyourintuition
Instagram post 2191090134705950148_176844132 🌗 Whether it’s a skeleton in your closet, the shadow-side of your personality, or the pain in your heart...⠀ ⠀ ✨ Every time you stand up to the dark, you get lighter. ✨⠀ ⠀ What do you need to stand up to — to get lighter, friend?💞⠀ ⠀ #standuptothedark #healthedarktofeelthelight #ditchtheheaviness #standinyourstrengths #daniellelaporte #unleashyourheart #unleashyourlife #unleashthelight
Instagram post 2190368252935280213_176844132 📍Do you live in or around the Bismarck/Mandan, ND area? 🧘🏻‍♂️Come join Roxanne, Heidi, and myself at Luminate Studios this Saturday for a stress/grief during the holidays workshop! 🔗Link in bio on IG for tickets or here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/holiday-grief-gathering-tickets-79487357827 💞You can find some peace within, take some time for you, & learn some new things, too, amidst the holiday frenzy! See you there? ☺️ #griefandtheholidays #learnwaystocope #stressbusters #griefeducation #mindfulliving
Instagram post 2188617213072767420_176844132 💔 “It just takes time,” they say.⠀ ⠀ 💔 Or, “It’s been a year, shouldn’t you be over it by now?”⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⏳*Grief Just Takes Time* is one of the 6 Myths of grief covered in the Grief Recovery Method - an educational, action-based program for completing a loss that feels incomplete. ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ 👉🏻 The 6 Myths of Grief 👈🏻⠀ • Don’t Feel Bad⠀ • Replace the Loss⠀ • Grieve Alone⠀ • Grief Just Takes Time⠀ • Be Strong (for others & yourself) ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⏰Time does nothing but pass. It’s the action you take within time - the conscious action - that moves you toward healing.⠀ ⠀ ⠀ 💞Are you ready to take action, for yourself or your children? If you click the following link (or link in bio), you'll find resources available at a discount through Cyber Monday.💞⠀ ⠀ 👇💛💛💛💛💛💛👇⠀⠀ https://mailchi.mp/theunleashedheart/cybermonday⠀ ⠀ #griefrecoverymethod #actionforhealing #unleashyourheart #unleashyourlife #timedoesnotheal #takebackyourpower #takebackyourlife
Instagram post 2188186741964490222_176844132 🎄😭Do you feel sad around the holidays? A lot of people do. The holidays are supposed to be a joyful time surrounded by loved ones and about joy and good cheer. So why do many people have a hard time? ⠀ ⠀ 💔For some, there was a loss around the holidays, so it's a reminder of someone they loved passing during that time. Or, being around others who have their loved ones, is a reminder of the loss of a special relationship. And, for many, it's the first holiday without their loved one.⠀ ⠀ 😢As you can see, there are many reasons why this time of year can be emotionally charged and challenging. There is a lot of stimulus touching your heart in its most painful spot. With all the holiday hustle and bustle, someone in this situation will either prefer to isolate or become the organizer and entertainer. In the process, you are using the holiday busy-ness as a distraction.⠀ ⠀ Continuing on the blog (https://www.theunleashedheart.com/not-so-happy-holidays/ or link in bio on IG) I share more about: ⠀ 🎄how holiday stimuli relate to grief⠀ 💔how to know if you're experiencing unresolved grief⠀ 🎅👎what to do when grief is causing the holidays to suck⠀ + more⠀ ⠀ Also, if you click the following link (or link in bio), you'll find resources available at a discount through Cyber Monday.💞⠀ 👇💛💛💛💛💛💛👇⠀ https://mailchi.mp/theunleashedheart/cybermonday ⠀ ⠀ #notsohappyholidays #griefandholidays #holidaygriefsupport #griefguidance #grieftips #holidaygrieftips #survivetheholidays #griefsupport #theunleashedheartblog #cybermondaypromotions #hearthealing #hearthealingresource #griefrecoveryprograms
Instagram post 2186665185425722993_176844132 Thank and send love to the you that has helped, guided, and brought you to the you that you are today.💛⠀ ⠀ This Thanksgiving, I give gratitude to the younger me who experienced a lot of learnings 🥴, heartache, and who continually guides me to the next version of myself. 💗⠀ ⠀ Love the YOU that you outgrew. Without regrets and “if only’s...,” but with a whole lotta grace. 💞⠀ ⠀ For those celebrating, Happy Thanksgiving. I send you my gratitude for riding the tides of grief with me. ☺️🙏🏻💛⠀ ⠀ #lovetheyouthatyououtgrew #griefgrowth #lifeisaboxofchocolates #learningaswego #thetidesofgrief #whoweoncewere #thegrieflady #griefsupport #unleashyourgrief #unleashyourlife #unleashyourheart #theunleashedheart
Instagram post 2185973643287289647_176844132 🙌🏻 In September, I became certified in Usui Holy Fire Reiki Levels I & II. ⠀ ⠀ 🤔 Before attending certification, I hadn’t even experienced a Reiki session. I had no idea what to expect. This seems to be a running theme in my life as I’ve often dove into something new based on a hunch or a pull (i.e. intuition). Not knowing what to expect is half the fun, right?⠀ ⠀ 🤯 Anyway, in a nutshell my certification experience with one of 30-something Licensed Holy Fire Reiki Masters in the world, was unexpectedly mind boggling amazing & bizarre. ⠀ ⠀ 🤲🏻 Reiki (meaning - spiritually guided life energy) is one of those things that can be explained as simply or complex as one chooses. But, it’s best to understand only by experiencing it. ⠀ ⠀ 🌪 If your life energy is low, or if there is restriction to its flow, you’re more vulnerable to illness. However, when it’s high and free-flowing, you are less likely to get sick.⠀ ⠀ ✨ I had quite the healing experience while receiving my attunement. The attunement is what makes it possible for me to provide Reiki, both in person or distance, too. ⠀ ⠀ 👩🏻‍🔬 If we go back to science and biology, we all would agree we are made up of energy. Every cell in our bodies is energy. I knew, from a young age, that I had a sense of people’s energy. Often, I was drained by it. I never understood why, after social outings, I would need a day to recover. It’s always been this way. ⠀ ⠀ 💫 Until I experienced Reiki and felt it first-hand. To physically experience someone’s energy this way and feel intuitively guided to what the other trainee in the program needed, was bizarre. At one point, there was an exercise in distance Reiki. We were given no indication of the intended recipient, only their name, and I hit the nail on the head, as did she for the person I chose. ⠀ ⠀ This may sound woo-woo and that’s all good. Call me the woo-woo-grief-reiki-lady for all I care! 😆💞 ⠀ ⠀ 💓 What I know for sure is every door I’m unlocking and opening, more just keep opening - to even more healing for me and you.⠀ ⠀ Continued in comments...
Instagram post 2185255556078626178_176844132 📖In 2017, I published my book, The Guided Heart: Moving Through Grief and Finding Spiritual Solace (link in profile or on Amazon). ⠀ ⠀ 🏄‍♀️I've held hands with grief for over thirty years. If there is one thing I have learned, is that grief teaches you how to surf. Odd, I know. Hear me out! ⠀ ⠀ 🌊Grief is very much like a tidal wave. Ebbing and flowing, then roaring into your life without warning.⠀ ⠀ 🧒👩👵In childhood grief, in particular, it tags along - following you through all the phases of life. At times, it can feel like a giant lying in wait. Other times, it's alive and well, where you find that your relationships are suffering, you become paralyzed in life by indecision, and there are days you wish you could find a hole and crawl into it. ⠀ ⠀ 💙The Helping Children with Loss program (which is currently 21% off through November) is near and dear to my heart. It's a program I wish my mother had gone through. Truthfully, it's a program all parents should consider experiencing - for the sake of their children.⠀ ⠀ 💙Children often experience grief before we adults are even prepared to address it. In truth, even when grief comes knocking, we're ill-equipped to know what to do anyway. ⠀ ⠀ 💙But, there is a way to educate yourself. You can pick up the book, When Children Grieve, on Amazon. And, you can participate in an upcoming Helping Children with Loss program. ⠀ ⠀ 🏡Think for a moment about the number of children living in broken homes. How about children living in households with incarcerated parents? Or those who have divorced, are suffering from addiction, or who have died? There are 1.5 million grieving children who have lost a parent due to death alone. This number does not include those incarcerated or those who are "absent" due to addiction or divorce.⠀ ⠀ 💙There are a lot of grieving children out there. And, there's a way you, the caregiver/caretaker, can help prepare the child or children in your care for something that will forever impact their life.⠀ ⠀ 👉You have a say in how grief affects them. You can help them heal and learn better tools for managing grief today - for a better tomorrow and future. 👈⠀ ⠀ #helpingchildrenwithloss #griefauthor
Instagram post 2184283518459416427_176844132 🕰 You can’t turn back time. But, you do have today!⠀ ⠀ 🌱 What needs to take root in your heart and life today? ⠀ ⠀ 📝 What action, today, will set you up for the future you desire...and deserve?⠀ ⠀ #growwithgrief #chineseproverb #taketodaybythehorns #growthplan #everybodyisgoingthroughsomething #theunleashedheart #unleashyourheart #unleashyourlife
Instagram post 2183023957786039772_176844132 💕You Are Never the Only One💕⠀ ⠀ When the world moves on and you feel forgotten - you are never the only one.⠀ ⠀ The meals dropped off, the condolences sent - you are never the only one.⠀ ⠀ Time ticks by, the food has gone rotten - you are never the only one. ⠀ ⠀ No more check-ins, no more how do you do's, and even the dog is lonesome for you - you are never the only one. ⠀ ⠀ When showering takes work, and self-care feels like a luxury - you are never the only one. ⠀ ⠀ How did it get this way? Who was I before all this? I don't even know anymore. ⠀ ⠀ Why do you look at me that way? Why do you say the things you do? What are you trying to prove?⠀ ⠀ Some people just can't leave well enough alone and yet, I wish they'd know what to do.⠀ ⠀ This heart of mine is shattered. The tears all but washed me away. But I hang on another day because there's still a glimmer of hope within me that's not yet dead today. ⠀ So many times I sat there, the same kitchen table, the same cigarettes. The same drink in the bottle and the same voice in my head. ⠀ ⠀ But here you are, sitting with me. I had forgotten about you - it's been so long. ⠀ ⠀ "Why did you abandon me? Why did you leave me alone?"⠀ ⠀ "I never did," - a reply. ⠀ ⠀ "Then why do I feel so alone?"⠀ ⠀ "I watched you grow up, carrying your wounds and your swords. Keeping everyone at arm's length and too ashamed to go home. Keeping your armor on tight and your heart bound and closed."⠀ ⠀ All of those years you watched me and you never said a word. I was screaming inside and you did nothing when everything felt a blur. ⠀ ⠀ What do you mean? I've always been with you. I've just been waiting to be heard. ⠀ ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨⠀ ⠀ 💓 A random grief-riff on the blog by me on this day. Even when you feel alone, you're never the only one. Your inner-child is waiting to be heard and there's always a friend who's grieving, too. 💓⠀ ⠀ #theunleashedheartblog #griefpoetry #griefpoem #frommyhearttoyours #youarenevertheonlyone #youareneveralone #healingispossible #neverlosehope
Instagram post 2182101414875076141_176844132 🦋Today is Children’s Grief Awareness Day. A day to wear blue, in honor of all grieving children. 💙⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ Children grieve in various ways (like adults) and, because of various reasons - also like adults.⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ 🚨 When you see a child acting out, quiet/reserved, grades slipping, constantly on their phone (could be a short-term energy relieving behavior), having angry outbursts, not eating/overeating, not wanting to be at home, or always wanting to be at home. These could signal a grieving child. Think of all the ways you distract yourself from your feelings. Children often resort to the same/similar behaviors. Ask: “What are you feeling and tell me how I can help?” ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ Children grieve:⠀⠀ 💔 a pet dying (often, a first death experience)⠀⠀ 💔 death of loved one⠀⠀ 💔 moving - loss of friendships/positive role models⠀⠀ 💔 parents divorcing ⠀⠀ 💔 loss of trust/safety ⠀⠀ 💔 loss of possessions ⠀⠀ 💔 lack of healthy relationships/connection⠀⠀ ...plus more...⠀ ⠀⠀ 💙 Adults are often ill-equipped in the area of child grief. Society is rather uncomfortable with grief, therefore, children’s emotional well-being is often, unintentionally, not addressed. ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ When we have children, they don’t come with a manual, right? But, there is a manual on educating yourself on child grief. The book, “When Children Grieve,” (on Amazon) is the child grief education you never received. ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ 💙One step further is to learn the practical; steps to aid a grieving child take action in addressing their grief, which can encompass a whole spectrum of feelings. ⠀ 💙 The action-based program for learning and fascinating healing for grieving children in your life can be found in the 4-week Helping Children with Loss program.⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ 👉🏻Through November, I am offering 21% off this program.💖 I would love to begin this group program locally in January. 👈🏻⠀ 🎁 If you are caring for a grieving child, give them the best gift you can possibly give them this Christmas: YOU - educated in helping them complete what is emotionally incomplete. 💞⠀⠀ ⠀ 💝Contact me for more info/to register! ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ #childrensgriefawarenessday #iwasagrievingchild #childgriefeducation #childgrieftips #parentingagrievingchild
Instagram post 2181556744587661725_176844132 ❓Did you know that 5% of children in the U.S. (1.5 million), lose one or both parents by the age of 15?⠀ ⠀ 💔One study found that twice as many depressed suicide attempters were parentally bereaved compared with non-suicidal depressives. ⠀ ⠀ 👨‍👩‍👧Also, studies have noted difficulties in parenting when the bereaved child grows up and has children of his or her own. These difficulties seem to occur more often if the loss happened when the child was between 7 and 12, and if the deceased parent was of the same sex. They hypothesize that these problems have their roots in identifications with the dead parent and in the "lack of experience with the dead parent in developmental stages that go beyond the point of loss." Because the adults who experienced childhood bereavement at times do not expect to live longer than their parents did, some avoid emotional intimacy with their children as if to prevent too much grief and suffering if they die.⠀ ⠀ 💔 I AM A FACE OF 5%. ⠀ ⠀ And, by all accounts of what I've read in various studies, my life should have turned out very differently than it has. ⠀ ⠀ 💔I *should* be an addict. At one time, I do believe I was a functioning alcoholic. ⠀ 💔I *should* be dead due to suicide or medicated so I don't complete suicide. FYI: Post-partum is no joke. Maybe someday I'll share more about that. ⠀ 💔I *should* be single; never allowing anyone to get close to me. I almost did pass a good one by, though. 💔And, really - I *should* not be who I am, have what I do, and be where I am in life - if the stats are completely true.⠀ 💔And, although I have yet to know what will come of my children, I do have hope that I'm not completely screwing them up. But, I *should* be, according to statistics.⠀ ⠀ ✨What psychologists, researchers, and so on don't quite understand is resiliency and the human spirit. And, hope is certainly never a part of the studies. ⠀ ⠀ I AM HOPE - for other 5%'ers and for mothers, fathers, and guardians raising bereaved children. 💓Never give up hope. ⠀ ⠀ 👉And, did you know? I have a 21% off promotion right now (ends 11/30) on this very dear program of mine - Helping Children with Loss in honor of Children's Grief Awareness? 💞
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